Need a cheap gift for that pesky little sib? Want to spend time in an all but dead chain store before it goes completely belly up? Want to know what K-Mart would look like if it were in Honduras? Head on down to Rose's, conveniently located half way between GSSM and Wal-Mart. It's just a short walk, because heaven forbid you actually put any real effort into getting anything for that ungrateful little turd. You'll notice as you walk in that no effort has been spared in making this place as much of a dump as possible. What's that smell? Savings! Or it could be the delicious offerings at Rose's Country Kitchen (seriously, this place has a restaurant). It's hard not to appreciate the "we haven't given two shits since 1985" ambience that pervades the place: the floor tiles have that delicate hint of yellow about them, the ceiling tiles come complete with severe water damage, and the walls contain enough mold to be classified as a new species. The white with random glowing neon lines color scheme prevails.
Take a moment to walk around and orient yourself. The depressing-as-hell electronics section features, according to the sign, a wide selection of "Records and Tapes." On the plus side, if you're in need of some new-in-the-box NES or Sega Genesis cartridges, Rose's apparently doesn't bother to get rid of unsold inventory.
The next stop on your sight-seeing tour should definitely be the "food" section. If nowhere else, really keep an eye out for your little sib here. Who wouldn't love to check their box after a hard day of class to find that they had received something called "Armour Brand Potted Meat Food Product?" Just one of many affordable quasi-food gift options that will most certainly be met with hilarious disdain from that special someone.
If you're like me, there's a toy that you really, really wanted sometime around 1993 that your parents just wouldn't get you. You're in luck, because chances are that they have it over in the toy section, along with every other failed child entertainment device of the time.
Don't forget the expansive and thoroughly disconcerting medicine section. I'm not saying that lemon lime saline laxative tastes just like Vault soda, but I'm not saying that it doesn't. Similarly, while I wouldn't say that you could easily slip it into a 2-liter bottle of Vault and nobody would ever know, I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's not a possibility.
Finally, spend some time sifting through the clothing section for selections that haven't been stylish since, well, ever. Get something terribly gauche for your sib and see if they actually wear it. If nothing strikes your fancy, Rose's offers a wide variety of an old standby: comically oversized thong underwear.
On your way out, don't forget to hit up the vending machine next to the door for some fresh trading cards! I'm going to bring back the Backstreet Boys Trading Card Game if it's the last thing I do. Does anyone have a spare AJ that they'd be willing to trade for a Nick?
Submitted by George.